Status-tician

Nothing is worse than acute over compensation via technological means of communication. That's right. Even communist China is less-worse than these diabolical exaggerators.

I nearly cut myself after reading my Facebook news feed Sunday night. One status message after the other read “I love my besties" "Omg best weekend EVER" "Holy crap I love my life so much I might explode." What the hell are these people doing that makes them have any more fun than the average 20-something professional? Are they sky diving while on ecstasy? Did they have some spiritual awakening while farming organic tomatoes in Portland, Oregon? Did they get 'napped by a cult that will only allow its followers to use the words "love" and "friendship"? Why the need to portray a continual state of unsurapssable fun?

Last week Lindsay and I decided to do some research on these “claims of extreme levels of fun.” We followed up with Jillian, a mutual "fun-haver" of ours. Here is how her story unfolds: ""

Jillian the Fun-Haver’s online status: “Last weekend was the BEST of my life. My friends are the greatest in the world.”

Judging from Jillian’s statement, Lindsay and I hypothesized that she and her friends helped deliver baby seals on the Alaskan coast. I followed up with Jillian utilizing g-chat:

Me: Hi, what’s up? Tell me about your weekend!

Jillian: Oh, we had a barbecue.

Me: Sounds great. What happened at the barbecue?

Jillian: Oh, well I ate a burger and Josh made this dynamite corn salad. Then we got drunk. Like really really drunk, and KEPT eating!

Me: Oh wow, great.

Jillian: haha, oh and George made a joke. I forget what he said though.

(The end)

This isn’t exactly the kind of experience that would denote such a bold public status message – yet this is always how the conversation ends up; someone claims to have reached the holy grail of social fun, when really they just went to a bar, had friends over at their house, played board games or drank "omg so much whiskey" that they said some silly things, and fell asleep without washing their face. Unless someone tells me they had an orgy on the dunes of St. Tropez, research proves that we should all take these online projections with several large grains of salt.

I’m not saying we haven’t all exaggerated about our lives or had the urge to exude happiness when we really want to have a good cry at home, stroke our cat, and ironically "hate-read" the self-indulgent divorce’ novel Eat Pray Love. However recently, from an outsider perspective, these hyperboles of fun seem to have gotten a bit out of hand. How can we utilize our status messages without sounding like Rachel Ray on crack?

This is where Lindsay and I come in:

Let’s say you went on an amazing camping trip with your friends in Telluride, Colorado and you want to illuminate others on your experience – not out of competitiveness, but because you actually want to share a piece of your life with your 300 closest facebook friends. Here is how you can do it:

YOUR Status:

I had a great weekend. I was in Telluride, Colorado with some friends. We rode our bikes down a steep mountain, we went rafting down a rocky river, someone caught a fish and we ate it (except for Kathy because she’s vegan), then we drank until the locals seemed attractive. My choosing to share these facts about my weekend in no way belittles the fun that you had on your weekend. The fact that I am posting that I had a good time does not mean I had a better time than you, or that I am better than you in any way. In fact, some things about my weekend were lame, like when I got bit by mosquito's and forgot to buy marshmallows. Have a great day.

This non-threatening update highlights your most recent adventures, and invites others to engage in a virtual exchange of life’s joys. It realistically portrays that even great experiences have their down side, but that it's all part of the human experience. Use this method of status rendering and separate yourself from other people's hyperbolic tendencies.