LoL@your mom

Picture this. You’re at a party. You have three to five good friends there, and they in turn have a few of their own friends who you’ve only met a few times. Maybe you haven’t met some of them at all. You’re all lounging around, drinking, and making conversation. You want to make a lasting impression. You want to be That Guy/Girl who everyone later tells all their friends was so great, intelligent, hilarious, and witty. But let’s face it. You are boring. You like the same things as everyone else. No one cares that you love The Wire or that your dog is really cute. Because you’re with a bunch of young professionals, and they all own The Wire on DVD, and their dog is named Omar Little, so you will probably just get one-upped. What’s a person to do?

This is where Lindsay & Allison can help you. Who are we? A duo of hilarious people. Don’t just ask our friends – ask randoms who have run into us at parties. We really make an impression. And how do we do it? There are several secrets we possess, but today we’ll reveal just one.

Our recommendation for instant party success is a well-placed your mom joke. Now, don’t let the triteness or juvenility of this fool you. We’re not talking about your typical your-mom joke. Keep in mind: no one’s mom is so fat, so poor, so stupid, or so ugly. These are not the kind of your-mom jokes you want. You will offend someone. You will be that jackass at the party who said John’s mom is soooo fat, etc., and now nobody likes you. You are that weird jerk who told a middle school joke.

Instead, work it in subtly. Wait until one of your friends you know starts to mention something really awesome that they love. Here is a sample conversation:

Friend: You know what’s awesome?
Other people: No, what?
Friend: The new Wes Anderson movie. It is so funny but touching. And it’s not at all like his other movies.

Ok, your friend is about to bore everyone by explaining the Wes Anderson movie which is undoubtedly exactly like all other Wes Anderson movies. You really want to stop this friend before he or she starts to explain how the scene with the slow motion and awesome 1970s rock song was the best in the whole movie. So what do you do to both stop your friend and make yourself look better?
You say: You know who else likes that movie? [pause] Debbie.

And why do you say Debbie? Because that’s your friend’s mom’s name! Now granted, this is a slow-laugh builder, not a well-timed witty remark that will garner you a raucous laugh. Wait for your friend to do a double-take while he or she places their mom’s name into the conversation. Debbie? the friend thinks to him or herself. But that’s my mom’s name. I’m pretty sure my mom doesn’t even know who Wes Ander – wait a minute! It’s a your-mom joke!

Your friend will now start laughing. A few other friends who also know your friend’s mom’s name might also start laughing. Then, the people who don’t know it will begin to look around uncomfortably. “What’s so funny?” one will sheepishly ask. “Who is Debbie?” They imagine it to be a mutual friend that no one actually likes.

Your friend will wipe away a tear and say, “Debbie is my mom.”

The outsider friends will laugh a little, but they will still feel like they don’t get it. But you have successfully won the day, my friend. Because you got your friend to admit that Debbie is his or her mom. And the joke is funny because we’re not actually making fun of Debbie at all, no, it’s just that no one has expected someone’s mom to be hilariously worked into the conversation. Genius.

Now it’s time to practice. Subtly learn all your friends’ mom’s names. Don’t let on that you’ve learned them. Try to pick them up by asking generic family-related questions about vacations, childhood memories, and so on. One day you will find yourself in the aforementioned scenario, and when that day comes, and you are confident that you have the right mom’s name on the tip of your tongue, let it fly.

[Note: Be forewarned that you could embarrass yourself if you incorrectly reproduce the mom’s name. It has happened to Lindsay before, but not to Allison.]